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“Hey Google, how do you make gin?”
“I’ve found a recipe for ‘how do you make gin?’. Would you like the ingredients or instructions first?”
“Ingredients.”
“OK, now playing dance hits of 2010s on Spotify.”
For all their promises of convenience, Google Assistants are at best undelightful and at worst mildly frustrating. And, Google provides the most consistent, expected results of all internet-connected devices. For substantially worse misbehavior, follow @internetofshit
If you’re not familiar, internetofshit is this era’s Fucked Company (which was that era’s Suck.com).
My current internetofshit schadenfreudlich delight is the remote cat feeder that stopped functioning because….the company quietly went out of business. Then they came back to ask for more money.
Or maybe it’s the scooter company that fired everyone via an automated Zoom call.
Or maybe it’s the sleep analyzer that stopped analyzing sleep data because…the company quietly when out of business. Oh, wait that was a decade ago.
If you’ve the stomach to watch more than your WiFi-enabled grill ignore ‘OK Google, off, OK GOOGLE! OFF! OFF! Shit! Shit! Shit!’, join me reading Peter Zeihan’s geopolitics newsletter.
He’ll calmly whisper horror stories into your ear things like;
- “the current world order is slowly dissolving into pre-WWII territory disputes…you’ll probably be OK.”,
- “oil’s going negative and there’s no way for you to profit from it” and
- “…but that is where the similarity between the hardworking, morally upstanding people of Iowa and the turgid pile of frigid confusion that is Minnesota ends.”
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- playing foursquare on the driveway,
- planting a huge garden from seedlings,
- watching early seasons of the Amazing Race as a family,
- 1000 piece puzzle after 1000 piece puzzle,
- trimming the neighbors pine tree with a 20 foot pole saw,
- still being asked to declare my favorite thing of the week every sunday night for 2020’s ‘jar of awesome’.
When my grandkids ask their parents about the COVID-19 pandemic, I hope this is what they recall.
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Prior to the pandemic, we had a family calendar where we played Tetris with our respective commitments. These days, family logistics is more of a game of Clue between video conferencing apps, devices, and commitments.
- Microsoft Teams on the iPad = Work
- Skype on the MacBook = Drums lessons
- FaceTime on the iPhone = Piano lessons
- Zoom on the MacBook Air = Clarinet lessons
- Google Meet on the Chromebook = 8th Grade Band
- Google Classroom on the other Chromebook = 6th Grade Band
- Vidyo on the MacBook = Speech therapy
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Rumspringa is a subtly sophisticated mechanism.
It gives youngins a opportunity for independence while opening a controlled channel of experimentation, innovation, and cultural education to the wider community. It also exposes the entire community to a existential threat in a controlled enough way cultural antibodies can be generated.
The risk is both for the individual and the community. The goal is both survive. But even if the youngin flees to the English, the community will persist.
And, either way there’ll be discussions how to use TikTok for Business at the next Elders meeting.
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Speaking of work on the iPad, April marks month 24 of the iPad Pro as my primary machine. I see no reason to go back to a laptop. I’m almost tempted to double-down and switch to my iPhone as my primary machine (you know, like the vast majority of the rest of the world).
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This weeks winner for both Best Capturing the Current American Drinking Zeitgeist and Worst Dad Joke is, Anchor Brewing’s “Seltzer in Place“.
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In more optimistic beer news, Other Half Brewing in NY, announced a global beer collaboration, “All Together. Other Half is developed an IPA recipe and is asking breweries around the world to produce it and contribute the proceeds to support the hospitality industry in their local area.
Here in MN; Modist, Wild Mind, Black Stack, and OMNI are participating. BTW, Wild Mind delivers free within the 494/694 loop.