INSIDE VOICE #1: “Cassandra, are you showing me the future or just being difficult”

==

“Hey Google, how do you make gin?”

“I’ve found a recipe for ‘how do you make gin?’. Would you like the ingredients or instructions first?”

“Ingredients.”

“OK, now playing dance hits of 2010s on Spotify.”

For all their promises of convenience, Google Assistants are at best undelightful and at worst mildly frustrating. And, Google provides the most consistent, expected results of all internet-connected devices. For substantially worse misbehavior, follow @internetofshit

If you’re not familiar, internetofshit is this era’s Fucked Company (which was that era’s Suck.com).

My current internetofshit schadenfreudlich delight is the remote cat feeder that stopped functioning because….the company quietly went out of business. Then they came back to ask for more money.

Or maybe it’s the scooter company that fired everyone via an automated Zoom call.

Or maybe it’s the sleep analyzer that stopped analyzing sleep data because…the company quietly when out of business. Oh, wait that was a decade ago.

History sighs. Repeats self.

If you’ve the stomach to watch more than your WiFi-enabled grill ignore ‘OK Google, off, OK GOOGLE! OFF! OFF! Shit! Shit! Shit!’, join me reading Peter Zeihan’s geopolitics newsletter.

He’ll calmly whisper horror stories into your ear things like;

  • “the current world order is slowly dissolving into pre-WWII territory disputes…you’ll probably be OK.”,
  • “oil’s going negative and there’s no way for you to profit from it” and
  • “…but that is where the similarity between the hardworking, morally upstanding people of Iowa and the turgid pile of frigid confusion that is Minnesota ends.”

==

  • playing foursquare on the driveway,
  • planting a huge garden from seedlings,
  • watching early seasons of the Amazing Race as a family,
  • 1000 piece puzzle after 1000 piece puzzle,
  • trimming the neighbors pine tree with a 20 foot pole saw,
  • still being asked to declare my favorite thing of the week every sunday night for 2020’s ‘jar of awesome’.

When my grandkids ask their parents about the COVID-19 pandemic, I hope this is what they recall.

==

Prior to the pandemic, we had a family calendar where we played Tetris with our respective commitments. These days, family logistics is more of a game of Clue between video conferencing apps, devices, and commitments.

  • Microsoft Teams on the iPad = Work
  • Skype on the MacBook = Drums lessons
  • FaceTime on the iPhone = Piano lessons
  • Zoom on the MacBook Air = Clarinet lessons
  • Google Meet on the Chromebook = 8th Grade Band
  • Google Classroom on the other Chromebook = 6th Grade Band
  • Vidyo on the MacBook = Speech therapy

==

Rumspringa is a subtly sophisticated mechanism.

It gives youngins a opportunity for independence while opening a controlled channel of experimentation, innovation, and cultural education to the wider community. It also exposes the entire community to a existential threat in a controlled enough way cultural antibodies can be generated.

The risk is both for the individual and the community. The goal is both survive. But even if the youngin flees to the English, the community will persist.

And, either way there’ll be discussions how to use TikTok for Business at the next Elders meeting.

==

Speaking of work on the iPad, April marks month 24 of the iPad Pro as my primary machine. I see no reason to go back to a laptop. I’m almost tempted to double-down and switch to my iPhone as my primary machine (you know, like the vast majority of the rest of the world).

==

This weeks winner for both Best Capturing the Current American Drinking Zeitgeist and Worst Dad Joke is, Anchor Brewing’s “Seltzer in Place“.

==

In more optimistic beer news, Other Half Brewing in NY, announced a global beer collaboration, “All Together. Other Half is developed an IPA recipe and is asking breweries around the world to produce it and contribute the proceeds to support the hospitality industry in their local area.

Here in MN; Modist, Wild Mind, Black Stack, and OMNI are participating. BTW, Wild Mind delivers free within the 494/694 loop.

INSIDE VOICE #0

Thanks to MusicMayhem [1] our Fridays are now marked by 90 minutes of music trivia against our neighbors. Last week the two teenagers of the house competed on their own – three teams in one house. This week we came back as a singular force to achieve 2nd place overall. While all have our strengths, though an overall blindspot is hip hop 2005-present. We are still trying to replicate our 1st place win on March 24th.

  1. http://gomayhem.com

==

When you move, in this Zoom call you half-disapper into the stylish apartment asserted by your fake background.

In that moment, I don’t know which to believe.

==

My friend Lewis sent me a photo of the Brussels Beer Project’s Nørd Bliss beer [2]. After backwards engineering a recipe from the label.

It’s a strange beast;

  • no boil,
  • protein gulping enzyme addition,
  • scandanavian yeast,
  • no bittering hop addition,
  • one single hop.

As luck would have it, I had everything on hand to recreate it.

It’s delicious;

  • coconut,
  • mango,
  • prickly pear

Easily the most fun beer I’ve brewed in years.

If you’re interested in a collaboration – even a virtual one – reply with your idea and we’ll go from there.

  1. https://www.beerproject.be/en/beer/nord-bliss/

==

Somewhere, there’s an angsty teen novel being written with the working title, “The Summer of Nothing.” In a decade, it’ll be considered that generation’s Catcher in the Rye.

==

I’m keeping a running list of my predictions of the cultural consequences of this crisis, using McLuhan’s Media Tetrads as the framework. I’m most excited for the fine dining speakeasys.

http://garrickvanburen.com/in-the-days-after

==

I entered a virtual kubb league. By the time you read this I will have played against someone in across the metro, down in Arkansas, and over in Sweden. Playing against a opponent on Facebook Messenger adds a level of absurdity to an already absurd game. Still got stuck in a six kubb grind for 20 minutes.

6i 0B 6i 0B 6i 0B 6i 0B 6i 0B 6i 0B 6i 0B 6i 0B 6i 0B 6i 0B 6i 0B 6i 0B 6i 0B 6i 0B 6i 0B

==

With my recent cognitive surplus [3], I’ve been diving deep, deep into my ancient family history. Somehow, my 11th great-grandfather has bent history in towards himself in some small way as multiple sources praise him similarity:

“He is entitled credit for never swerving from allegiance to Dutch government which is more than can be said for his English neighbors who proved themselves to be traitors to the colony which they fled from persecution.”

I seem to have found a glitchy corner history not written by the victors.

  1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_Surplus#Gin,_Television,_and_Cognitive_Surplus

In the Days After

I’m grateful for all those – medical professionals, emergency workers, school administrators, governors, etc – working continuously to contain the COVID-I9 global pandemic we’re currently in.

With so many activities, events, and businesses shuttered indefinitely, in the back of my mind, I’ve been wondering, “What does the world look like after containment?”

Which takes me to one of my favorite tools for thinking through effects and consequences, McLuhan’s Tetrad. While McLuhan developed the Tetrad tool to think through how media changes us, I’ve found it works for anything phenomenon impacting society at large. Like the Myers-Briggs, it’s more effective when statements are articulated in their most positive manner.

The Tetrad asks four questions;

What does it enhance?
What does it make obsolete?
What does it retrieve that had been obsolesced earlier?
What does it flip into when pushed to extremes?

What does COVID-19 enhance?
– Depression and anxiety disorders related to lack of face-to-face social contact.
– Brand-name universities offering online high school curriculum
– Corporations’ level of comfort with the majority of their labor force being remote
– Companies no longer providing computers to their employees
– Depression in commercial real estate – esp office buildings.
– Tribalism and mistrust of others
– Tightening of pre-existing social networks
– Delivery services
– Corporate adoption of robotics and automation to ensure higher sanitation standards & reduce variable labor force availability.
– Climate change advocacy (sudden drop in global pollution levels creating higher air and water quality)
– Solo hobbies & sports – esp inside sports (e.g. knitting, playing music, homebrewing, yoga, cooking, yo-yo-ing, karate)
– Membership- or subscription-based business models
– Home exercise equipment sales (e.g. Peloton)
– Self-stable and freezer-friendly food sales (maybe the US now gets shelf-stable milk)
JustWalkOut by Amazon
– Demand for box seats at stadiums and theaters
– Single-payer health care in the US
– popularity of eSports
– Disney divesting ESPN

What does COVID-19 make obsolete?
– Casual physical contact with strangers
– Business models based on confining strangers for a period of time (stadiums, theaters, cruise ships, airplanes, public transportation, professional sports)
– Business models based on individual, retail sales
– Globalization
– Social pressure to attend events that you’d rather not attend.
– work from home is no longer a differentiating HR benefit, it’s an expected part of the employment contract.
– The decline of church-going (esp Catholic) in the US, and by extension the Boy Scouts.
– General seating at stadiums and theatres.
– Minimalism
– checkout clerks
– Co-working spaces

What does COVID-19 retrieve that had been obsolesced earlier?
– “The milkman”, local businesses making regular deliveries in a localized area.
– a need to ‘stock-up’ when something is available, for it may not be tomorrow (pantries, root cellars, and chest freezers)
Victory Gardens
Speakeasys (for dining and social experiences and gyms [1, 2], not just drinking) like this.
– Drive-in Movie Theaters
Party lines (always on video multi-party video conferences)
“Back to the Land” movement
– Offices (as opposed to cubicles or open-plan spaces)

– investing in front yards over backyards

What does cultural phenomena does COVID-19 flip when pushed to extremes?
– Continuous monitoring of individuals’ health in all locations accessible to the general public (e.g. fever monitoring in convenience stores)
– Isolationism at micro and macro levels
– Every neighborhood is “The Village
– Redundancy in supply chains, leading to greater expense and under utilized capacity.

Choose Paper

If you wanted to ensure it lasted for 150 years – you’d choose paper.

As amazing as our current electronic technologies are – despite their strengths – terribly, terribly ephemeral. The code the worked yesterday isn’t support today. The processors of – five years ago, ten years ago – are brought to their knees by the computational complexity and presumed processor capabilities of today’s software. The runtime environments required by the digital creations I manifest as a University student not only do not exist – computers of today don’t even recognize the file types.

Perhaps it’s good that my chances of becoming a world-renowned graphic designer are quite slim. For if they were higher, and exhibits celebrating my early digital work were to be held, recovering that early work would be a significant undertaking. Even today. Unlike like my drawings and pastels – for those seem to be holding up just fine. I looked at them just the other day. The same day I went through the box in my office containing 25 years worth of my sketchbooks. All the paper – just as I remembered it. All the sketches just as they were the last time I looked at them.

I didn’t need to convert them into a different file format or upgrade the software before I opened each sketchbook and revisited each page. I simply opened it. I simply turned the page. No need to for anything more. The paper persists.

One story at a time, I’m writing down the stories of my life.

In a book.

A high-quality, hardcover book.

One story at a time, handwritten on paper in the book.

A book I want to exist for a century and a half, if not longer. The book will go into the box with all the other family stories and photos – all of which are on paper. Stories and photos that – while they may not be on their original paper – are on paper.

Sure, I could type out these stories into this site just as I’m writing this. I enjoy writing here. But there’s no chance this site will be around in more than a century. I even have a hard time envisioning it living another quarter century. Even if it does, that will mean countless technology migrations, not just server migrations, but also application layer and database migrations. All of these changes requiring regression tests – however humble.

Somewhere out on the internet there’s a story describing the problem of archiving electronic art. In it, the author describes the process. The process of picking the ideal computer for perpetually running the archived software, completely isolated from the rest of the internet. They described the need to prevent any of the bits of software from ever updating, from the intended application, all middleware, to the operating system, everything. All of which will ensure that this singularly valuable bit of software can continue to provide value for generations to come.

Unless those generations have something other than electrical service expected by the computer’s power supply.

Then – poof. It’s gone.

Last month, I brewed a batch beer. This particular recipe was originally used by a British brewery circa 1868. It was included in a book collecting a number of British and German beer recipes from 1850-1950. Theses recipes were extracted from the actual brewers logs of the time. Brewers logs that were written on paper in books and shared in-house to ensure a consistent product from batch to batch.

Am I using the same ingredients the Tetley Brewery did 147 years ago? Highly doubtful. Today’s grains, hops, and yeast are far more optimized for brewing than they were a century ago. But, since I have the beer’s characteristics; alcohol, bitterness, color, clarity, along with specified grain, hops, and yeast, I can get very close to recreating this beer. As can anyone else.

I don’t necessarily need their equipment or their process for creating fire. That’s all changed. I need the identifying, distinguishing characteristics. The same distinguishing characteristics that were originally written down 150 years ago on paper to help the next brewer on the shift.


Complications

when I started here my wife

gave me a white gold chronograph

from her jewelry store in the mall

like all successful salesmen here wear

it weighed my left hand down,

silver and crystal reflections

constantly tugging at my attentions

I left it

for this softer, flatter one, yes, yes

weeks ago the batteries stopped at 9:43

but my ex-wife still runs the jewelry store.